Signs of Postpartum Anxiety Most Women Miss
You’re doing everything right.
The feeding times and techniques. The developmentally-appropriate toys. The sleep schedules. You’ve read the books, use the tracking apps, and baby is thriving. On paper, you’re crushing new mom life.
But inside? You feel like you’re bracing for something to go wrong. Your chest is tight. Your mind won’t stop. And no matter how well things are going, you still don’t feel okay.
This might not just be “normal new mom stress.” It could be postpartum anxiety. It often goes undiagnosed for months (or years!) because society tells you it’s just part of becoming a mom. You can also read up on my thorough post about everything you need to know about perinatal mental health here.
Let’s talk about what it really looks like. And most importantly, what to do with it.
What is Postpartum (Perinatal) Anxiety?
Perinatal anxiety refers to anxiety symptoms that show up during pregnancy or in the first year after birth. It’s part of a group of mental health concerns called PMADs (Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders), which also includes postpartum depression.
While postpartum depression is often talked about, perinatal anxiety is actually more common and often much more hidden. Perinatal anxiety impacts 20% of new moms, so almost 1 in 4.
In my practice providing maternal mental health therapy in Tulsa, I see this most often in high-functioning, career-focused women who have always managed stress by staying organized, staying busy, and staying in control. The problem? Motherhood doesn’t work that way.
What Does Perinatal Anxiety Look Like?
Most women don’t realize they’re experiencing perinatal anxiety because it doesn’t always look like panic attacks or full-blown breakdowns. Instead, it can show up in ways that seem “productive” or even praiseworthy.
Here are some signs of postpartum anxiety you might be missing:
You can’t stop researching. Every bottle, every nap schedule, every symptom — it feels like you have to know everything just to feel safe.
You’re constantly on edge. There’s a mental checklist running 24/7. You feel like you can’t relax because something might fall through the cracks.
You’re snappy and overstimulated. Colic crying, spilled milk, your partner not putting their coffee cup in the dishwasher. It all sets you off.
You feel guilty all the time. You “should” be enjoying this, right? You feel ungrateful for struggling when everything looks fine from the outside. Or you know the anxiety is high, and you feel guilty and worried about how it’s affecting your sweet little baby and that you can’t enjoy the 4th trimester like you dreamed.
You can’t rest, even when you have help. Even when your partner says “go lie down,” your body won’t let you relax. You’re still on call. Or you refuse the support because you don’t trust anyone to care for your baby like you do.
You’re stuck in worst-case scenarios. Something as simple as a missed nap spirals into fear that something awful will happen.
If you’re nodding along, you’re not alone. This is exactly what I see with clients seeking perinatal anxiety support in Tulsa, OK. You can learn more about postpartum therapy in Tulsa here.
Why High-Achieving Women Miss the Signs
If you’re a planner, achiever, or the “go-to” person in your circle, anxiety can hide behind being the one who always gets things done as perfectly as possible.
People may praise you for being on top of everything. But what they don’t see is the cost of doing it all. The exhaustion, the fear, the sense that you’re holding your world together with duct tape.
When you’re used to pushing through, asking for help often leaves you feeling like a failure. But it’s not. I promise it takes a lot more strength (and vulnerability) to ask for help.
You’re Not Broken
Motherhood isn’t something you can hustle your way through. It’s a massive hormonal, emotional, and relational shift. There’s nothing wrong with you for not finding your footing immediately like the influencers seem to do.
In fact, one of the most common things I hear from new clients is:
“I didn’t think it was bad enough to go to therapy.”
Let me say this clearly: You don’t need a formal diagnosis to deserve help.
If you’re miserable in motherhood, if the joy feels far away, if you’re doing “everything right” but still feel like you’re falling apart, that’s reason enough. You don’t need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. We’re trying to do better than our moms, right?
Therapy for Postpartum Anxiety
As a perinatal anxiety therapist in Tulsa, I specialize in working with high-achieving women who look like they have it together but feel completely untethered inside. You may not even feel “high-functioning” in this time where your life feels turned upside down.
Therapy isn’t about fixing you. It’s about giving you a place to breathe and a plan to feel more like yourself again.
Together, we’ll:
Identify where/why the anxious thought tornadoes happen
Process the transition of becoming a mom
Challenge those unrealistic expectations & rules you’ve created for yourself
Allow space for rest, connection, and recovery
Whether you’re looking for support for perfectionist new mothers dealing with anxiety in Tulsa or anxiety therapy for new moms in OKC, you don’t have to do this alone.
You Deserve Support, Not Shame
You’re not “too much.” You’re not “too sensitive.” You don’t have to keep pretending you’re fine when you’re not.
If you’re a new mom in Oklahoma struggling with anxiety, therapy can help. Even if you don’t meet every criteria. Even if you’re just tired of feeling like this.
Let’s help you feel steady again.
Learn more about therapy at OliviaPhamLMFT.com or connect with me on Instagram @oliviaphamlmft for real talk about motherhood, mental health, and healing.
